Back From the Block

It has been some time since I have endeavered on my blog venture. I was blocked, however not by a force of any kind other than my own mind. Today seems like a good day to return that block and ask for a refund! It was not a good look for me! Then again, I look back at my past posts and realize that was not a good look either. Rather sad actually. I was not a happy camper. As a matter of fact, I was not much of a camper at all come to think about it.

Pure Innocence

I do not know what is happening to our society and really I am just disgusted.  How did we possibly ever get to the point where we are actually too busy to remember our baby is in the backseat?  Why do companies spend so much money and energy creating alarms to remind us to wear our seat belts, reminder stickers to change our oil, dingers to alert us our keys are in the ignition, millions of dollars educating parents to lay their baby on their back to sleep to prevent SIDS, yet absolutley nothing to say "Hey stupid, get off your cell phone and get your baby out of the car"?  I know it seems kind of stupid to think we as a society even require something so ridiculous but apparantly, as the old saying goes, "actions speak louder than words" and as far as I can see people's actions or lack of are causing more and more infant deaths that should never occur to begin with. 

My daughter turned seven months old yesterday and I could never imagine being so careless to forget her in the car... but neither did the parents this year that had to burry their infants because it was too important to get to work on time and they forgot to drop their child off at the babysitter and went about their day not even realizing anything was wrong.  In addition, what about the childcare providers who are guilty of the same thing?? What do we do to fix this?  How did this become an issue at all?  Obviously this is a new problem.  If I had the money I would make stickers to remind parents, but I don't.

RIP all of the sweet babies that had to give their little innocent lives way too soon.  My heart goes out to you!

Our Corrupt Youth

Really?  What has this world come to?  Are these really the times we live in or did I just step out of a movie set?  These are the questions I find myself asking this evening as I reminise about the event I encountered at the grocery store earlier today.  I also sit here wondering if I should be thanking the Lord for my life, or pray for the life of this little boy... hmm, that is a toughy!

This evening I went to the grocery store to pick up two small things I needed for dinner.  With my six month old daughter in my arms, I head toward the cereal isle and a little boy about 11 years old stands in front of me.  He holds a box of cereal up in one hand, grasping something tight in the other, stares in my eyes and says "Put your f*****g hands up."

At that moment I am saying "What?" but my mouth is not moving.  I stand completely still and wonder what the hell is going on.  A thousand thoughts rush through my mind in a seconds time.  Grasping my daughter tight, I am ready to do whatever it takes to keep her safe... and here comes from out of nowhere this kids grandmother.  Oh, she grabbed him by the ear and drug him down the isle towards the front of the store and boy was she ripping him a new one... and that was the last I saw of them. 

Now that I am home and have had time to think about the event and process what had happened, I am really bothered and sick to my stomach.  Why did the Grandma not make him apologize to me?  Did that kid really want to rob me and had a case of bad timing?  Is this kid going to do this to someone else?  What just happened?

I guess at the time I was just so grateful that my daughter and I were safe that it did not even cross my mind that I should probably call the police.  Now it is too late.  You know, it just blows my mind that a child could even be brave enough to pull a joke like that, or was it a joke at all?  I don't know.  I am, speachless.  What has happened to our youth?

No News is Good News

I have had such uneasy feelings lately, and now my chest is heavy.  I am feeling short of breathe.  I forgot what I was doing.  Was I supposed to do something?  I can't think.  My mind is jumbled with tension and a whole lot of emptiness.  The room is spinning... did she really just tell me what I think I heard?  Cancer?  But why?  How?  This is not the kind of news a daughter wants to hear.  Not the kind of news this daughter can handle.  I am only 31, she is only 48.  She is way too young for this for sure.  But they say there is a cure?  I guess we will have to wait and see.  I have to stay positive for my Mommy.   

What a Moron...

OK... so I finally broke down and spent the money and bought one of those "Get Rich At Home" magazines that had a list of the top 100 small biz start-ups to run from home.  OMG... I have already thought of half of those ideas but never actually put any of them into action.  GREAT!  I spent $4 on a magazine that basically did nothing other than confirm for me that I am a total moron!  To think where I could be right now, had I listen to my gut instinct over the last 10 years...  I am guessing that I would have more than $40 in the bank today!

Perks of being an American

Well, damn it all.  I say cry if you want to cry.  Scream if you want to scream.  Tell the waiter the service you received sucks.  Nope, you wont.  You will smile and say everything is fine.  Let me just tell you... sometimes things are just not fine.  Sometimes they are down right, grade A crap!  Yet you are not supposed to express that.  You are supposed to hold your composure.  Why the hell is everyone so up tight about publically showing emotion anyway.  I guess there are situations where it might not be totally appropriate to blow a gasket.  I mean really, could you just imagine your atomic response when your boss asks oh so concerned what is wrong with you after she just cut your pay $4.00 an hour because she bought a harley!  Now that would sure be an earfull.  However the good news is you won't have to worry about that suck ass job anymore!  Now you can stand in the suck ass unemployment line instead and watch Harry scratch his... you get the idea.  But really... you do not have to cover everyone in word vomit to get your point across.  You have the right to express yourself.  Or atleast I thought that was one of the perks of being an American.  Speaking of which... do we have those anymore??

Shadows in my mind

Incredibly divine
Ultimately refined
With great thoughts and aspirations
Growing hearts absorbed by devastation
Futures filled with soulful inspiration
Families educating insults, never dedication

Hearts show faces when embraced with hate
Though their insecurities will not decide my fate
I am one on my own, I articulate; procreate
Separated from you making my world safe

Inhabited by democracy
Keeping our world free
Though it feels as if I am in prison
Everything in my life, you feel... you see

Entertained by what I endure
Lasting impressions of me
Are you really sure that I am free?

Knowing each day passing is one day less
24 hours closer to death
Dying every minute
Since the minute we are born
We are living for death
Yet we still mourn?

Enticed we feed off disaster and greed
Children lose their lives
Then murderers go free
To some, that makes great TV
On lifetime, the news, a short film on NBC
But in others life reflections they think
Oh damn, that reminds me of me

Dreams, inspirations, aspirations down the drain
There's nothing left to live for
With nothing more to gain
Some will be old, sad , lonely
Sometimes it's in vain
None the less, most will die ashamed

Someone like I will say
No way, not me
I will make a difference
You wait and see
When I am old
I will die just as you
But will pass on memories of passion
Of truth
Children will be taught about me
In books of history
But for now let me concentrate
On just being me!

Miss Know it all

Have you ever met one of those women who insist they know everything about raising children, yet they have none of their own?  It drives me absolutley insane. 

My husband and I were at a birthday party the other day and ran into this woman we know.  She is in her fifty's and has no children.  She was so excited to see our baby who is almost four months old and asked if she could hold her.  The first thing that came out of her mouth is "Oh, you are hungry aren't you?  Your mommy didn't feed you did she"  OMG... how I could have just totally knocked her out.  I had just got through nursing my baby about ten minutes before she said that.  I explained this to her and she says "Well, your baby is chewing on her fingers and her hands.  That means she is still hungry."  No, you stupid, insulting, loud mouth b***h, it means she is teething! Ahhhhhhhhhhh!  I could just scream.  But, I hold my composure.  A bit later in the afternoon she tells my husband that my daughter was hungry and I did not feed her.  The nerve of that horrid woman.  I know when my baby is hungry.  She says to my husband, "your baby is not eating enough.  All day she has been chewing her hands."  My husband nicely explains that our daughter is teething.  She proceeds to correct my husband stating that it is "impossible for a child to be teething at almost four months old.  You are mistaken."  My husband replied, "So I guess my daughters doctor has no idea what she is talking about either!  Since that is who confirmed it!  Maybe we should just save some money and see you instead!"

I felt like saying, HOW DARE YOU CRUELLA.  LOL... I think I will just call her Cruella from now on.  That is classic!  Anyhow, I am sure you have all met people like this, but it drives me crazy! 

My Aha Moment

I was recently asked "what do you enjoy to do these days?"  As I began to analyze my life and try to make sense of why I was having such a difficult time answering this question, all I could come up with was emptiness.  My thoughts were similar to that of a writer suffering from writers block.  There was this annoying silence in my head.  A big nothing! 

This to me is confusing because before I was asked this question, I thought my life was full of satisfaction.  Now don't get me wrong, I am very content at this point in my life.  I am married to a wonderful husband and I have two amazing children, a boy nine years old and a daughter 15 weeks old.  I live to keep them happy, safe and healthy.  Does that count as something I enjoy doing?  My husband says "no."  He thinks I have lost motivation to create my own happiness, successes and legacy.

You see, over the course of my life I have been told several times that I am a special person with so much to offer the world, that I am meant for great things and one day I will make a huge impact on the lives of people.  That one day I will be a true success and will have no more worries about money and struggles.  Unfortunatetly, the simple thought that others view me to be this amazing and powerful being makes me just break down and cry.  I am at the point that now I have tried so hard to make this idea a reality that I have burnt myself out.

Then the aha moment came just as I was sulking at my very own pitty party.  I over-heard this gentleman as he was speaking to a group of businessmen say that “People do not fail because of what they are, but because of what they think they are not.” Maybe it was the power of pure confidence in his voice during the reveal of this psychological yet poetic play on words, or maybe it was simply the fitting of the last piece of my own life's puzzle. That one missing link that is now no longer missing, allowing the finalization of the unrelenting truth of my own sad and desperate situation shine through the struggles of life to where I am no longer blinded by the excuses we conveniently call challenges.

Whatever it was, all I know is that I have not stopped thinking about that solitary moment all day long. It was almost as if the world stopped for a moment, stared me in the face and screamed “What are you doing and why have you chosen to put obstacles in your own path preventing the truth of who and what you are from shining through." 

I do not even know who this man is, nor the people he was addressing, but what I do know and tell you from the bottom of my heart,  he made a very deep impact on my life, and those words will be a burning image in my mind for a very long time.  His words made me realize that not only do I wish to never become a failure, I also do not want to ever make excuses for why I am not a success.  

So, what is it I enjoy doing these days?  I really do not know, but I look forward to the journey to find out! 

To be Legitimate or Not to be...

I want nothing more than to have a job that I can do from home.  Ok, Correction... I NEED nothing more than to find a legitimate source of income from home.  It seems that over the last nine years that I have been searching, all I have found are companies trying to rape me out of $29.99 here, a one time fee if $49.99 there, a $400 kit of who knows what... and the list goes on. 

It started out as a way of making a little extra income as I was a 21 year old single mom of a baby boy.  Then it turned into a mission!  I could not figure out how sooooooo many people were scamming and being scammed by these so-called companies online.  Now it has turned into a desperate situation.  Nine years later, I am now married and have a new little baby in the home and I NEED MONEY!  I am willing to work for it... but is the only legitimate source to start up something on my own?  Well if I had the money to do that, I would not be looking for another opportunity!  I have come up with so many ideas on my own to do, but do not have the capitol to get anything started!  I first trademarked a message in a bottle business where I would make personalized bottles with poetry inside each bottle and would deliver locally and ship out of state.  Then I was going to make soy massage candles and sell them at boutiques.  My husband is a chef for a living and has cooked for the world most elite... including many entertainment personalities and presidents of several countries over the past ten years.  We were going to do a cook book together and try to sell it in bookstores... but cannot seem to be able to get it done.  I have a childrens book almost completely finished but do not know what am I supposed to do with it from here or how to get it out in the world!  The latest idea was that my husband wants to bottle his specialty spice that he created... but where do I begin if I do not have the money to buy the bottles and pay for the marketing and advertising?  Can someone please help???  All I am looking for is ONE, just one legitimate form of making money at home without an investment.

The Nerve of People

I am so disgusted and honestly just really having a hard time understanding what goes through peoples minds sometimes.  I cannot believe the nerve of people these days.  Let me explain.

Yesterday was a very exhausting day to put it lightly.  My nine year old son was scheduled to have surgery.  Due to the negligence of his doctors over the past nine years not performing the proper tests, he ended up needing emergency surgery on a hernia that he has apparantly had since he was an infant as it was caused by premature birth.  To complicate things a bit, we live in a small beach town that unfortunately does not have pediatric specialists of any kind.  So my husband, my son, myself and our 15 week old daughter all piled in the car and traveled two hours from home for the surgery.

So, we get to the hospital at about 8:15am, check in and shortly he is off for his operation.  About two hours goes by and the doctor comes out to the waiting room to tell us all went well.  At that point he also tells us that when he opened my son up and did a little looking around, he found a second hernia that we were completely unaware of.  Therefore he had to do a second operation on him.  If that is not enough, he also had to drain the fluid out of his testicals and remove a portion of the sack inside.  Then he cut a small "V" in the tip of his penis to enlarge the hole so urinating will come easier for him as it was almost completely closed.  Now I don't know about you, but I would imagine this would be difficult for anyone including an adult to recoup from.  

At about 6pm we were released from the hospital and sent on our journey home.  The doctor seemed to think it would be a good time to travel since my son would still be medicated and would sleep the two hours back home.  It seemed like a good idea until we made it about five miles down the road and he began to vomit all over the back seat of the car.  So, now here we are on the side of the road cleaning him up and trying to decide what to do.  So, we made a pit stop and got him a bed to sleep in for a bit.  We got back on the road at around 10pm and got home at midnight.  We then realize that he has no where to sleep because he is unable to climb the stairs on his bed.  So I set up a blow up mattress and at around 3am everyone was in bed for the evening.  

After the adventurous evening, my son wakes up this morning and needs to use the bathroom.  He cant walk and I cant carry him.  He is 80 pounds and it is a bit much for me.  So, I get my husband out of bed and all is well again!  

We had decided as a family that it would be best for my husband to stay home today so he can assist our little boy while I care for our baby.  He tries to call his boss and she refuses to answer the phone.  After about two hours of trying to reach her, finally there is an answer.  Her Girlfriend picked up the phone... Nice.  She proceeds to tell my husband that he cannot have the day off... end of story.  HOW INSENSITIVE!  She explained that Chef (his boss) was taking the day off.  EVEN MORE INSENSITIVE!  But if he really could not make it, to call the manager in charge.  My husband calls and guess what he is told!  The manager in charge proceeds to tell my husband that Chef had not only randomly selected one of his co-workers to have the day off (who did not ask for the day), but she had advised him yesterday that he is to tell my husband he could not have the day off today if he asked for it.  Amazing!

I guess I should have known... these are the same people that called us at the hospital at midnight while I was in hard labor about to push my daughter out, and asked my husband what time did he plan on coming in to work in the morning.  They explained that he was told I was not allowed to have the baby on Valentines Day because he could not have the day off.  And they meant it! 

I would understand if he was a doctor or a lawyer... but he is a chef in a restaurant.  They knew for eight months that I was pregnant,  so what was the problem?  Yet my husband only still has a job there because he gave up the right to bond with his baby so we could pay our bills. 

What is this world coming to?  I am telling you... these employers are taking advantage of their employees because they know they can!  Because they know in todays economy you cant just pick up and go find another job.  So what is a person to do?   

UPDATE on: The Nerve of People

So, my poor Husband goes back to work after our son has surgery and guess what... they are Ignoring him!  OMG, his son has surgery and they treat him like he has done something wrong!  Can you believe these people?  Not to mention, the only 2 days my husband has been off of work in as long as I can possibly remember (about a year) is the day I gave birth to our daughter 15 weeks ago and the day our son had surgery, 2 days ago.  Other than that he works 6 days a week and about 60 to 65 hours a week.  Amazing that he is still mistreated... and employers wonder why employees are not dedicated anymore.  They need to take a hard look in the mirror.  Two weeks ago his boss pulled him aside and told him that in the 8 years she has had her business, he is the BEST employee she has ever had... so I am curious why that all changed because he needed a day off to care for our sick nine year old son having 2 emergency hernia operations... unfortunately, we are unsure what to do about it at this point.  I guess we will have to just take it one day at a time! 

The Accidental Treasure

My nine year old son wrote this, would love to hear your thoughts...

As he slowly began to open his eyes, Brandon looked over at his alarm clock to see that it was. 6:24 am.  "It's Saturday!" Brandon exclaimed as he jumped out of bed.  He then skipped through the house shouting "Yippee! It is my birthday!"  He flew open the porch doors with perfect timing to watch the sun rise over the ocean water as he thought about what an exciting day this will be.

Once the sun was bright and high in the sky, Brandon ran into his Moms room yelling with excitement "wake up, wake up, the sun is up and we have a lot to do."  His Mom got out of bed and fixed bacon, eggs and pancakes  for breakfast.  While they were eating together they discussed the party plans.  “Brandon, what kinds of activities would you like to have at your party?” his Mom asked.  All Brandon knew was that he would like to have a party that he and his friends will never forget.  A party that they would talk about for a lifetime.  “A pirate party with a treasure hunt would be perfect!” he answered. 

After they were finished eating, they cleaned up the kitchen and off to the store they went to buy the party supplies.  They got a really cool pirate cake, a pirate piñata, eye patches for the guests to wear and candy that looked like pirate treasure for everyone to hunt.  They got fake swords to pretend to make each other walk the plank, and pirate hats so they would look like real pirates. 

At around two o'clock in the afternoon Jason, Michael and Nicholas arrived at Brandon's house for the party.  They were all best friends and very excited to celebrate Brandon turning nine.  The boys played all sorts of games, broke the piñata with a broom handle, sang Happy Birthday, opened presents and ate the very delicious pirate cake.  

Everyone had such a wonderful time at the party.  The games were such a hit.  They had a full day of excitement and didn’t want it to end.  Then, just when they thought it was all over Brandon surprised Jason, Michael and Nicholas.  He had saved the best for last!  They were going to have a pirate treasure hunt.  So, they headed out to the beach and the hunt began! Jason found a shell and then Michael found a shark tooth. Brandon found a pirate map and Nicholas found a gold coin.  All of the boys went running in the house to show Brandon’s Mom all of their findings.  She was very proud of them for finding all of the items she hid for them to hunt.  But she did not recognize the coin.  “Hmmm” she said,  “that is strange, I have never seen a coin like this before.“  This was clearly not one of the coins she had hid for the boys to find.  So, she gathered the boys together and they did a little research online to find that there had been a ship named the Atocha that sank around this same area during a hurricane on September 6, 1622.  Brandon, Jason, Michael and Nicholas could not believe what they were hearing.  Could this be real treasure from this ship that has washed up on shore?  They all ran as fast as they could back to the spot where Nicholas found the coin and they dug and dug hoping for more.  As they were about to give up, Michael found something.  He yelled “Brandon, Jason, Nicholas help me with this, there is something stuck here.” They each grabbed on to whatever this was and began to pull... and they pulled, and pulled some more until finally it was out of the ground.  It was a chest of some kind.  Jason opened it up and to their surprise, there were hundreds of gold coins inside.  They were all so happy they were dancing and laughing.  Brandon’s Mom called an expert to come and look at their finding and indeed, it was the Atocha’s lost treasure. 

Now all of the gold coins the boys found on the beach are on display at the Mel Fischer’s Museum located in Sebastian, Florida for the world to enjoy!

So, I guess Brandon got the party that no one would ever forget, after all.